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A little while back I posted a blog entry full of complaints about the young whippersnappers in my French class. Let it not be said that an “old” dog can’t learn new tricks. Because of these young'uns, I now have a whole arsenal – or, more accurately, a ZOO – of new tricks.
Allow me to back track and say that I knew as I got older that I would outgrow those viral teen inside jokes and pop culture references. This made me sad. Most of those goofy jokes and references are really funny. OK, they’re not really all that funny; I’m just easily amused. All the same, I knew I would miss joking around with the cool kids.
I’ve stated this before, but it seems to ring truer every time it’s said: there is really something to be said for being an adult in a young student environment. These kids are freaking hysterical, I swear. When they're not busy reminding me that my first French class ran concurrent with their mothers' Lamaze classes, they keep me in stitches throughout the 6 hours a week that we suffer through elementary French. And, just as much a student of life as in the classroom, I find I can learn a lot of really, truly useless information that I can impress all my “old” friends with.
There are three kids in particular, M, L, and E, who are a some of the sweetest and most amusing little humans I’ve ever met. They seem to have adopted me into their little post-secondary world in as much as high school kids take the foreign exchange students under their wings, except instead of being foreign, I’m just old. Generation X meets Generation Next. [cliché alert!!!!!!!] In and of itself, I guess I should feel pretty cool or something that they’ve included me, though I get the feeling it’s more as a sideshow than an indication of how groovy/hip/rad/gnarley/badass/*insert current colloquialism for coolness here*
On one of the more enlightening evenings thus far, I learned about quite an idiomatic, yet useful, tool that the kids are using these days. It goes like this:
If, during the course of a conversation, someone says something particularly odd, stupid, or otherwise weird and the net result is a pregnant, awkward pause amongst those within earshot (as in, crickets would be chirping if it were happening in Hollywood), the apparent way out of said uncomfortable moment is to place your hands on top of one another, palm down on top of back of the other hand (order is of no importance unless you’re a body linguist) so that your thumbs are on opposing sides. Then, you take your thumbs and move them in concentric circles as though they are little turtle flippers. Next, you move your hands away from you as though the “turtle” was swimming away. This is called “Awkward Turtle.”
This came to light when I made a joke with a reference to “Lost In Space” (you know, “Danger, Will Robinson!”) and it flew right over their darling little heads. Next thing I know, M is making this weird hand gesture and, after catching the bewildered look on my face, explains this as “Awkward Turtle.”
“What in the hell is Awkward Turtle!?!?!?!?!”
“You never heard of “Awkward Turtle!?!? You can’t be that old!!” Chime M, L, and E.
Ummm, apparently I am that old. Thanks again for pointing that out, you little shits.
Well, as the gesture was like nothing I’d ever seen before and tickled my fancy, my funnybone, and my frontal lobe, I proceeded to laugh like hell for the rest of the class – so hard I became a distraction to everyone else. I wish that were an exaggeration. I actually got a hard stare from the usually wa-a-a-a-a-ay laid back professor. It was rather reminiscent of first grade when they used to separate my desk from the rest of the class because I was trying to make everyone laugh all the time. Ah, the memories. Anyway…
So excited at this brand new concept was I that I broke land speed records so that I could quickly make it home to do some research on this “Awkward Turtle.” When I say research, I mean I pulled up You Tube so that I could watch drunk frat boys explain the concept further. The link below contains a wonderful, albeit vulgar, tutorial on Awkward Turtle and also contains one of my new favorites, TMI Turkey. TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN IF YOU’RE AT WORK!!!!!!! Please enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBs3B1EtSEk
After further research (and by further research, I mean I pulled up the Urban Dictionary to continue “gettin’ my learn on”), I learned that there is virtually an entire kingdom worth of these Awkward Animals. I had fun explaining these to my one of my co-workers who has a 17 year old daughter and a college freshman son. I popped into his office with the opening line, “Hey J, you wanna know how to absolutely mortify your kids?”
I may never leave school if I keep learning cool stuff like this!
If this blog post has inspired you to do some research of your own, I implore you to check out “Awkward Starfish” and “Awkward Moose,” two more of my favorites. Oh yeah, this is going to be fun for years!!! I’m totally gonna be THAT gal – you know, that weird old person who uses teen references with reckless abandon solely for my own amusement, much to the chagrin and ultimate embarrassment of anyone a decade or more younger.
My kids better hope I never have kids, if you know what I’m sayin’.
