Thought of the Day #2 - Cat Fancy

Pop Quiz:

Q. What is a cat's favorite place to lay?

A. Squarely on your book while studying for your final.

I'll tell ya, nothin' says, "thanks for the yummy Friskies, Mama," like the cat flopping down in the middle of your book. To add insult to injury, the probablity that the orientation of the cat's flounce places the kitty's no-no hole about two inches from your nose is REALLY high in my house. What gives?

Seriously, here is the textual representation of me studying Physics last night:

"The periodic table of the chemical elements is a tabular method of displaying the chemical elements. Although precursors to this table exist, its invention is generally credited to Russian chemist Dmitri Mendeleev in 1869. Mendeleev intended the table to illustrate recurring ("periodic") trends in the properties of the elements. The layout of the table has been refined and extended over time, as new elements have been discovered, and new theoretical models have been developed to explain chemical*...kitty foot...kitty knee...kitty femur...kitty thigh...kitty butthole."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

And, judging from the resulting odor, SOMEONE needs to have their anal glands expelled...Ack!

But, as always, I try to find the bright side: someday I'll know how to expell anal glands, so at least they won't stink when they are ruthlessly aimed at my unsuspecting, unarmed nose.



*That entry is actually from Wikipedia...I didn't have my Physics book with me. Might as well quote my sources, blah, blah, blah.

Thought of the Day - Houdini TP

To all the public establishments (e.g., restaurants, sports arena, movie theaters, etc.) who in an effort to save a buck or two by equipping your restrooms with substandard one-ply toilet paper whose thickness cannot be measured without scientific-grade digital calipers, guess what?

It makes me use twice as much TP, if not more. How much money are you saving, now, Einstein??

I think, given the logic, nay, the implications of the situation, that my hiney deserves better, don't you, Mr. Restaurant Owner? Oh, I get it, you're so cheap, you're embarrassed about your squeaky butt, so you have to make mine squeak, too? WTF?!?!?!?!

I'm not asking for Egyptian cotton, people, I'm really not. But how cool would it be to use public facilities and not have the "bathroom tissue" dissolve away to nothing as soon as it hits moisture, leaving you wondering if it might be possible that you might have actually neglected to grab TP in the first place and instead decided to use your bare hand? The magnitude of that kind of cool-ness could be measured on the Richter scale, my friend, not scientific-grade digital calipers.

I swear, one of these days, I'm going to sneak into the men's rooms and replace all their urinal cakes with salt licks. How 'bout THEM apples, eh?